Dias de los Muertos Sabado (second draft)

I am writing this in order to warn anybody who will listen. I know people will automatically assume I am a cuck or that I am someone who has turned my back on what makes the red pill community what it is but I don’t care. Even if there is only the slightest chance someone might heed this warning, it is necessary. I find it ironic that for all of my bluster and anger it took me until my life was in danger to figure out my mistakes.

Like you all, I was a member of the red pill community. I was tired of being rejected by women and being in a gynocentric culture. What was wrong with being a white, heterosexual male, the more I thought about it, the more angry I became. It is funny how just being aware of an idea can make you see the world differently. I felt like the forums were the only place where I felt accepted and could be myself.  The red pill community was my family. We were the ones who had figured out the truth and that binded us together. It didn’t matter if people called us misogynist or thought we were monsters, they simply didn’t understand us or were unable to break free of cultural norms. We were family and this is why I was spending more and more time in the forums.

I found that I was becoming more able to see clearly when I was exposed to the normie news and found myself becoming both angrier but also far more pleased with myself. I was special and I knew it. This is why when a friend of mine posted a link on the forum to the dark pill I was confused. My friend assured me it had nothing to do with anything that a blue piller might like. He was fairly nationalistic and racist, in hindsight and he joked about potential normies seeing the page where this pill was being sold and freaking out. The sheer amount of red pills on the page and lack of political correctness was surely going to make their heads explode. You understand that I am paraphrasing here, because the forum disappeared shortly before I went to write this. Also because, forum posts are largely not essays or diatribes. They can be, but normally only when owning the cuckservatives or the libtards, to use correct red pill lingo.

The site itself was very old school, looking like it was from the earlier days of the internet. No competent graphic designer would have done this. It was simplistic and it had neon green letters superimposed on a black background. I had heard of the black pill community who idolized terrorists and were pure nihilists. I wasn’t quite there yet but the site intrigued me. There was a literal pill on offer from the site. The words said, do you want to become a literal sex machine with the body of a bodybuilder with none of the work required? At this point I was skeptical and a bit annoyed. Sure the background also had tons of pepe memes and other red pill staples, but this sounded like a scam. However, then a chat box opened. Immediately the text box said, Walter is typing. Here is a transcript of our conversation that I happened to have saved.

Walter: Hey there JoseKlansman92, what do you think of my site 😉

Me: Really crappy, what kind of normie shit is this

Walter: I like your attitude !!

Me: Don’t be a fag Walter what is this dark pill

Walter: Well first of all, you can’t access this site without an invite so you should feel lucky you were chosen

Me: Chosen? Who are you trying to fool?

Walter: Well let’s just say that these women slept with this dude after the pill

(Posted pics that I didn’t save, but the two women happened to be gorgeous and the dude was uglier than me)

Me: How on earth? What is this? How do I know this is real?

Walter: I can make sure that you understand the pics are real. Ask your friend, he’s good with computers no?

 

I, at this point was excited. My friend who had invited me, was a computer geek and a doxxer. He was real internet badass and he was good at knowing whether pictures were fake and even figure out the location and time pictures were taken. I checked with my friend and he told me exactly what I wanted to hear. He even showed me how he figured it out. I trusted him, and even now I believe that he was telling the truth. The pictures were real, and that makes my story even more horrifying from my perspective.

 

 

 

I was very skeptical of what the dark pill was able to do. It wasn’t like there was much information on the original website. It directed me to an invite only forum on Reddit. The people on the forum seemed to be uniformly in favor of it. But the side effects varied from mostly positive to too good to be true. There were some claims of formerly red pilled virgins having sex with professional models and being almost too attractive to the opposite sex. This was, of course one of the most appealing claims. Other claims involved silencing our opposition literally. This was so vague that I couldn’t take it seriously. Some claimed to make them gods among men. This is the internet so, these aren’t abnormal claims and I dismissed them as the normal ego stroking that men, myself included, used when talking to other men about our escapades. However, some of the claims, were, well ,insane and a bit morbid. I wasn’t new to horrific violent and sexual imagery on the internet.

In fact, one could say I had desensitized myself to it. I just didn’t have a strong reaction to it anymore. But the escalating nature of the claims from dark pill users was enough to make my stomach turn. I don’t think anyone would believe me if I listed the claims here. What, do you expect me to go into the details? I don’t want to indulge in that when the endgame is so gross. Just know, that I was no naive dude on the internet and one could say I was a veteran in the red pill community. I laughed at feminists and enjoyed mocking people. However, this was starting to creep me out. One of the things that drove me over the edge and decide to buy the pills was something, in hindsight, was very stupid.

I was trolling feminist reddit and enjoying how easily I tended to rile people up. All I had to do was purposely say things that were really awful and mean and people would immediately jump on it and either argue with me, attack me, attempt to be imperious and judgmental, or white knight for the feminist I was attacking. It was glorious, watching every person lose their minds. However, one user named PurpleTubeSlasher666, responded to me and instantly got my attention. This person simply listed out every single social media account I owned. Then at the end they typed, your move. I was flabbergasted and very angry. How the hell did this happen? I had heard about doxxing and I knew many people who relished the idea of doing it to other people. I however, being convinced of my own moral righteousness, never thought I’d ever do that myself. I was convinced that my arguments were just better. I was better, I didn’t need to harass people in real life to win. However, this was an attack on my personal life.

When I told my friends online about it, they were very supportive of trying to dox that person back. I should have said no but I didn’t. I had seen doxxing work wonders on destroying people’s lives. However, I had no idea how fast it would hurt me.

The next day was a Saturday and I dragged myself out of bed to go to work. I woke up to a voice message from my boss on my cell phone. My boss simply said, call me immediately when you get this. I got an icy feeling in my stomach and called my boss. He didn’t answer so I went into work early to check in with him. My anxiety was getting worse as I approached my boss. He lead me into his office and didn’t say anything. “Is everything alright?” I asked trying to be as calm as possible. He finally looked at me and asked me whether he thought this was funny. He swiveled his computer monitor over towards me and I saw an email to him. It was simply a collage of pictures with two people that looked like his children. The only line of text read, cute kids. I had never seen them before but the email address that sent it was mine. I was flabbergasted and felt my throat constricting. My boss looked haggard as if he hadn’t slept. “Get the hell out of my office, I never want to see you again. If I ever see anything like this again, I will call the police” he whispered curtly, the words were so soft and choked, it was hardly audible. I didn’t even bother to argue. I was too shocked.

Over the span of three weeks I had my email hacked and had been forced to explain to my boss and my family how they got child pornography sent to them. I lost my job and was thrown out of my parent’s house. I was able to prevent the worst, and managed to avoid being sent to jail, but it was still an incredible shock and hurt me.

The night  I decided to buy the pills was the night that I received an email from a familiar username. PurpleTubeSlasher666@gmail.com sent me an email. There was only a single attachment and no text. I scanned it for viruses and then when it came up clean I opened it. It was a picture of my parent’s house. My blood turned cold. I quickly called up my friend Garth. Garth is my tech savvy friend. He has doxxed people before and is currently no longer a friend of mine. Call me vindictive for throwing his name out but it is necessary. Garth told me that he had figured out the person’s information. The attachment was useful to him for some reason because when I sent it to him he was able to figure it out quickly. He said he would give me the information of the person if I was willing to try the dark pill with him. He told me how he had personally seen a friend of his, who was very very unattractive sleeping with a model afterwards. Garth wasn’t the type to lie about stuff like that. After all, Garth actually had money and hadn’t really ever had issues meeting women. He was a red piller because it suited him. It never even crossed my mind that maybe he was lying to me. In the end, did that really matter? I was eager for revenge.

Before I could embrace my darker side, I got a call from one of my friends and the girl of my dreams. Jessica was concerned about me and we spoke for a while on the phone. For some reason, speaking to her soothed my nerves. Jessica has a way with words and I told her that she literally saved my life. She laughed and told me I was being silly. I of course, wasn’t kidding, she had called at the right time and had prevented me from giving into despair. Jessica invited me to go to a party with her and I immediately agreed. My stomach was full of butterflies. While I was getting ready I began to rapidly figure out whether this was a date or just a friend thing. I then immediately chastised myself for being stupid and that a girl like her would never like a guy like me. I still didn’t let go of hope though.

I was picked up by her at 9 pm that night at a bus stop and she looked amazing. I wasn’t a party person but I was excited to go somewhere with her. The party however, was a total disaster. Too much loud music and I could hardly keep track of Jessica. I was quickly cornered by Katie Prescott. Katie was a girl a year older than me and was one of the best looking girls at my community college. She began to interrogate me about the email that I had supposedly sent. I tried to wiggle away and muttered how I was hacked. I was prevented from leaving by her boyfriend. Eventually the teasing and harassment got me angry and I pushed passed them to the exit. I didn’t tell Jessica I was leaving. She texted me later and I didn’t respond. I was angry and humiliated. I then decided to text Garth.

I told him I did want to meet him and he immediately sent me directions on where to meet him next Saturday. I then felt angry. I told him that he was being ridiculous and that he should just tell me who it was now. He insisted that actually it was more important that he tell me in person. I could almost hear the smile in his voice as he explained this to me calmly. The fact that he was so calm while I was yelling in his ear was far more disconcerting to me then the fact that he was refusing the information when I wanted it. Didn’t he understand that this fucker knew where I lived? Garth told me that I needn’t worry. That this person wasn’t the type to threaten my parents. I tried to calm down but it was difficult. I would understand why he was so secretive when that Saturday came. This is when things got way more complicated.

 

The day I got the pills in the mail I was once again struck by the weirdness of the whole situation. Not only was the packaging unusual but the entire idea of using literal pills instead of the metaphorical red pill was rather unusual. I had met my friend at the park and he had showed me a picture of the house of the person who had doxxed me. I was eager to pursue the person but my friend talked me down. Looking back his calmness was probably a red flag. Not that he was known for being energetic or was never calm, but his complete nonchalance and calm was rather unsettling. The calm was so odd that it literally felt like the temperature was lower when I was near him. All other sound seemed to have been sucked out so that I could listen to him. I might not be doing a good job at describing it but that is how it seemed. However, the important thing was figuring out whether the dark pill was worth it. On cue, my friend showed me pictures of women who he had met and slept with. He had so many pictures of him with them and such variety it was almost comical. It was as if, he had gone out of his way to cover all the bases so I would believe him. OCD was his middle name I guess. But it did the trick. I believed him.

I finally asked him if he knew the identity of the person who had doxxed me. He told me it was Jessicaa. I felt dumbfounded. Jessica was my sole female friend. She was gamer girl and a latina. She was also hotter than lava, as my friends said but incredibly picky. I felt betrayed. I was friends with her and I didn’t really want to lose her friendship. I had been madly in love with her since middle school. My friend told me that it wasn’t worth my time to confront her. He said he would deal with her. The way he said it made my blood curdle. I told him to back off and that I would talk to her. This brought me back to my house. I was going to call her but then the package came. I put the package down and then I called her. She answered the phone after the third ring and asked me what’s up. “Hey Jess, have you been upping your computer skillz” I blurted. Good going I thought to myself. She seemed to recognize my tone and this was our conversation.

Jessica: You okay? You left the party and I was worried about you. Don’t listen to that bitch Katie.

Me: Can you please answer the question Jess? Did you hack my email?

Jessica: Come on man you know I suck at hacking. Plus where the hell would I get child porn. Do I seem like the type to you?

Me: This is your email right? (sent screenshot of email)

Jessica: What the hell? Is this a joke? Who the hell sent you that?

Me: It doesn’t matter. How could you do this to me? I thought you cared about me.

Jessica: I do care about you. And this isn’t me. I don’t know how that happened but that isn’t me. I will try to get it taken….

Me: I got doxxed you dumb bitch. I know it was you. My friend saw your house on it. I’ve been to your house before. Stop playing games, why would you do that to me?

Jessica: Wait what? I didn’t…

Me: Oh come on, you are smarter than that. After everything I’ve done for you

Jessica: Wait what the fuck is this? The inquisition calm the fuck down..

Me: I do everything for you, I comfort you when that bastard Rich cheated on you and…

Jessica: What the hell is this? Why won’t you listen to me. You call me up and start the witch burning ceremony via phone and then twist a knife in my heart. (sobbing) What the hell is the matter with you? Do you really have that little sense…

Me: Goddammit I am the nicest guy you know and you treat me like shit

Jessica: (Snorts) Yeah so nice.. you are certainly proving that right now.

Me; What the fuck. You dox me and ruin my livelihood and then you kick me while I am down. You are the most goddamn beautiful girl ever, you could have any guy you want and…

Jessica: WHAT what you think you deserve to fuck me? Is that is it? Is that why you hang around like a lost fucking puppy dog. (now sobbing more) You wonder why the fuck I didn’t ever date you… what even is this? I thought I knew you but…

Me: Fuck that don’t make this about me….

(Click)

 

She hung up and when  I tried to call back it went straight to voicemail. I attempted to call her and contact her every way I could. After  I calmed down I was desperate to contact her. However, over weeks and weeks I couldn’t hear from her. Eventually I went to her house and was met by the police. They told me I needed to leave and that the young women was terrified and considering putting a restraining order on me. I was hurt and defeated. When  I got home I was angry and yelling so much tears were coming out of eyes. The combination of mixed emotions was damning. It felt good but also felt hollow and awful. Finally I picked up the package of the dark pills that I had forsaken. The package was jet black and had grey eyes and hieroglyphics on it.

 

I ripped it open and a single pill bottle fell out and a piece of paper. The paper was yellow and felt laminated. On it were a simple sentence of instructions, take with alcohol and welcome to the dark pilled community. I was too upset to wonder about whether taking it with alcohol was a good thing or not. I was past caring. I took it with Jack Daniels and then went to bed. Then the dream happened.

 

The dream was the most lucid and memorable dream I have ever had in my entire life. I had never been on acid or LSD but I swear that this must have been what that was like. I appeared in a large room that appeared to be like a library but was colder than it had any right to be. The floor was stone and I could hear whispering voices all around me. The whispering was unintelligible but was very soft and creepy. The temperature was clearly below zero and I felt underdressed as I was still wearing my t-shirt and boxer shorts. The book shelves were so tall I couldn’t even seen the top. I pulled a book off the shelf because I was curious and it was Franz Kafka’s Metamorphosis. I put it back and the hairs on the back of my neck prickled. I turned around and saw a figure staring at me. If you had asked me what about this figure scared me or made me uneasy I am not sure I would have been able to tell you. The one feature I was sure of was the mask on covering the face. What a mask it was, it looked similar to those totems you see that are meant to ward away spirits and guide them to the afterlife. It was similar to that but didn’t seem to have a clear origin. How did I know this? Well I am an anime and manga fan and I loved horror. But for some reason this figure scared me more than anything I had ever read, seen,watched or listened to regarding horror. The visceral fear I felt was just automatic.

I turned around and heard shuffling footsteps. I began to walk rapidly away from the sound and found that there were vast corridors of books. It was like a maze of bookshelves. Had I not been so terrified I would have marveled at the sheer size of the place and the vast numbers of seemingly endless corridors. I eventually was running as I heard the figure running too. Eventually the running behind me stopped and I finally was able to once again take notice of my surroundings. I was conveniently in front of a large mahogany desk, the kind that wraps around and is the central hub of a large library. It had computer whirring and two librarians sitting at it. One of them wasn’t looking at me and clearly didn’t much care. The other however looked up at me. I felt a cold vice on my heart and it wasn’t from fear. I know that sounds ridiculous but for some reason I had the feeling of wariness but not fear. This person knew more than me and they would always know more than me. They held my fate in their hands. This feeling of being in the presence of pure power was overwhelming.

The head librarian was diminutive but his eyes sparkled like two black orbs in his sockets. His skin was leathery and his smile was toothy and he was so visibly excited and full of energy it was almost comical. For some reason I immediately noticed that his hands had a ring on each finger. Each ring was remarkable and had symbols all over them. The man spoke to me with a deep voice that was rich and alien. “Welcome to my library, young man, do you seek wisdom or power” I was thrown aback. Now I should say that I knew it was a dream while in it. It was very realistic and vivid but I still knew. So a part of me was hesitant to say anything. But he nodded knowingly and gestured his left hand and pointed with the ring finger. The ring on that finger was one of a serpent entwined over the body of a naked woman. “That is where you will find what you seek” he boomed. His voice had gotten even deeper and seemed to echo. The direction he pointed was straight into a wall of bookshelves and I was about to point that out when there was a creaking noise. The bookshelf began to slide aside like in an old spy movie or Hammer horror. “May ye find what ye need but not what ye seek” said a soft and soft voice. I turned around and saw the other figure staring right at me. The other librarian had the most sad expression on her old face. She was the oldest woman I had ever seen and was so grotesque I felt bad at how much revulsion I felt.

I immediately turned and went down the new corridor. When I was halfway down it I saw another figure and this one I recognized. It was Ava, the first girl I had ever had a crush on. She was older and gorgeous but she looked at me with pity. The pity made me so angry. I didn’t need her pity I was seeking a higher calling. “This is your last chance to turn back and choose to be better. To choose to find your own strength. To not rely on the deeds of others to determine your worth” she said softly and with so much remorse. This made me even angrier. Ava had rejected me and had hurt me. She had not shown any sadness but had shown disgust and revulsion. This dream Ava was a mirage and a dumb way of tricking me. I walked past her but then I heard her call me a poor boy. I lost it and hit her with the back of my hand. I had never hit a woman before but this was my dream so I figured, if there was ever an appropriate time.

But then I watched in horror as the stone floor began to rumble. I ran and suddenly found that I wasn’t making any progress. I felt like I was running on taffy or molasses. I looked down and there tiny creatures with glowing red eyes. They were vaguely humanoid but were tiny and numerous. I then noticed that there were slightly bigger ones that … well they had large members between their legs. The whispering was like a sea of wasps and all of the snide corrosive jabs and insecurities began to surround me. Every bad things that I had ever thought about myself and other seemed to be echoing around. The sea of tiny dark creatures was pulling me into the floor.

you will never be good enough… you are such a fag…. pitiful virgin….. you will never be able to pleasure a woman…… you disgust me…….. you are too fat…. you are too ugly…… you are not good at anything…. why don’t you just kill yourself…… moron… imbecile….retard…..dumbass……

The whispers were like arrows of cold and as I struggled against the legion of tiny shadows, just as I was about to pull myself from them, I saw the masked figure again and my resolve crumbled. Then I was pulled screaming into the floor. I woke up in a cold sweat.

I woke up in a cold sweat and rolled out of my bed. The dream had felt so real. I could still feel those…things all over me. I went to brush my teeth and wash my face and nearly had a coronary. In the mirror, I saw the masked man. I nearly collapsed and when I looked back to the mirror I just saw my own gaunt and pale face. I looked like I had aged 10 years since last night. Get the fuck over yourself I chastised myself. After showering I went out and found myself suddenly feeling confident. That night I went out with my friend Garth and found that even without alcohol I had no fear. I must have asked out 4 girls in my entire life, but that night I asked 5 for their number. I got one number and the girl had a friend. I was feeling like a real casanova. She was medium height and had a cute face and long brown hair. She was hotter than most of the girls I had spoken with in a while. I was feeling very suave and ended up making only one big mistake that night. Unfortunately it ended with me being maced and kicked out of the bar. I left before the girl could call the police on me.

For some reason, I still felt calm. The icey calm that had been with me all day was still there. It was as if, by ignoring my emotions I could become a minor god. That night I got more numbers and more attention than I had gotten in my entire life. I was thrilled but that icey feeling was beginning to recede and my anxiety began to resurface. I ended up leaving with two gorgeous models from the bar. Whether they were models was besides the point. Both looked like they could do glamour modeling or pornography. I told them both of these things and was surprised when they didn’t get upset at the second one. The two were either dumber than bricks or incredibly attracted to me. I didn’t much care about the first one but the second one was the more important one. I ended up in bed with them and lost my virginity in possibly the best spontaneous and crazy night of my life. Then there was another dream.

 

I woke up and found myself in my bed and the girls were both asleep on either side of me. I managed to nudge one of the them because I wanted to go to the bathroom. She fell off the bed. I was then alarmed and began to scream as loud as I could when I saw her face. Her face was caved in and the shadowy figures were spilling out like small insects. Suddenly a hand clamped on my mouth. The hand was soft but it burned like an iron and I felt my skin beginning to burn. I struggled against the hand but it was searing into me and I wasn’t able to pull it off me. Eventually it let go. I saw the hand belonged to the other woman. Her face was not caved in but I wish it was. Her face was just as beautiful but her eyes that sparkled with such vigor the night before were pools of darkness. Her lips were twisted in an unnatural sneer. The sneer was one of the most evil things I had ever seen. I heard the whispers again and heard a voice in my head.

Why do you hate yourself? Why do you hate me? What is wrong with you? Did you really just get laid? Is this a dream? Is your life a dream? What are you really? Are you a man? Are you a muttonchop? Are you a walrus? What the fuck kind of guy treats women like trash? What kind of man cries like a bitch?

I felt tears sliding unbidden down my face. Then laughter, cacophonous and loud all around me. It echoed in my head and I literally saw both undead monstrous women throw their heads back and laugh at me. Laugh at how pathetic I was and laugh at the fact that I was so miserable even while in the company of beautiful women. The world was laughing and I realized that I didn’t know if I wanted it to stop. Then I woke up. I was alone in my bed and there was no sign of anyone else. None of the women’s clothes were on the floor and there was no sign of females in room. I thought I was going crazy for a minute when I saw a brief note written on a post it. It read, had to go, maybe you’ll see us again if you decide to change your attitude. This of course didn’t make me feel better. What had happened last night? Did I really lose my virginity? Was I going insane?

 

 

The week afterwards was the longest week of my life. Every night I would return to that labyrinth of a library. Each time the masked figure would chase me and corner me. Every time the icy horror would seize me and I would run regardless of the fact that I actively knew I couldn’t escape. Every night eh library would have new corridors and would even have special rooms. Sometimes I would see people in the rooms having horrible things happening to them. The most common was Kristina, being assaulted by the masked figure. I would always look away and find myself angry and sad. I would end the dream if I attempted to attack the masked figure.

However, it got way worse just yesterday. Now I saw the masked figure everywhere. In the real world, for instances and I would always get the icy feeling in my chest. I was actually having sex now. I seemed to get more when I didn’t really care about it. But it felt hollow and meaningless. I saw Kristina with another dude, a guy who I had been friends with before the red pilled era. He was a beta and very quiet. I say beta because that is the language the red pills understand. The present version of me would have just said, he was an adult who wasn’t as aggressive as I thought he was supposed to be. Sure he could be an ass and had his own issues but he seemed not to care about what other people thought. This of course infuriated me when I found out. But I didn’t confront him or her. I was too tired and angry. I eventually met up with other black pill dudes who had sent a follow up email after I had taken it. At the time I had wondered how they got my email. I hadn’t listed it and had gotten the pill from my friend Garth.

I met them at the local diner. I immediately knew who they were. They wore nice clothes without being fancy but other than that, they were hypnotic. They seemed at ease but the air in the diner seemed icy. I immediately wanted to leave when that icy feeling hit. But a hand clamped down on my shoulder, and a tall man with a gawky gait, and rimmed glasses greeted me. “You must be Derek, I’m Walter” the man said while frog marching me to the table. His voice was way too calm and icy. I had no idea what icy sounded like until I heard him speak. The other two men smiled at me when I sat down with Walter. They looked at me expectantly, but I looked at them quizzically. “Sooooo, are you enjoying your new life”, asked the man sitting directly across from me. He had something stuck in his teeth and I was too distracted to answer. Then I felt Walter’s icy hand on shoulder and I pulled away violently. Suddenly I was alert and alarmed. “What on earth did you do to me” I whispered angrily, somehow I wasn’t able to speak louder with the air being slowly being squeezed out of my lungs. The three men looked at each other quizzically. “I don’t know what you mean” Walter said solemnly. His smile was gone and both of the other two were giving each other knowing looks. I was almost about to blow my top when I managed to calm down. “The dark pills, you were the one who sold them to me. They are fucking my with my head” I explained trying to keep my voice leveled and calm.

The three men looked at each other and looked like they were just as confused as before. “They are a placebo, dude. They don’t actually do anything. It’s all about perception” Walter explained slowly. “Bullshit” I spat. And I got up abruptly and seething with anger. I left rapidly and the icy feeling didn’t leave me the entire trip home.

I slammed my door and washed my face. I didn’t know what to do. I eventually felt really tired and fell asleep. Another of the manic dreams had returned.

The week afterwards was the longest week of my life. Every night I would return to that labyrinth of a library. Each time the masked figure would chase me and corner me. Every time the icy horror would seize me and I would run regardless of the fact that I actively knew I couldn’t escape. Every night eh library would have new corridors and would even have special rooms. Sometimes I would see people in the rooms having horrible things happening to them. The most common was Kristina, being assaulted by the masked figure. I would always look away and find myself angry and sad. I would end the dream if I attempted to attack the masked figure.

 

However, it got way worse just yesterday. Now I saw the masked figure everywhere. In the real world, for instances and I would always get the icy feeling in my chest. I was actually having sex now. I seemed to get more when I didn’t really care about it. But it felt hollow and meaningless. I saw Kristina with another dude, a guy who I had been friends with before the red pilled era. He was a beta and very quiet. I say beta because that is the language the red pills understand. The me, today would have just said, he was an adult who wasn’t as aggressive as I thought he was supposed to be. Sure he could be an ass and had his own issues but he seemed not to care about what other people thought. This of course infurated me when I found out. But I didn’t confront him or her. I was too tired and angry. I eventually met up with other black pill dudes who had sent a follow up email after I had taken it. At the time I had wondered how they got my email. I hadn’t listed it and had gotten the pill from my friend Garth.

 

I met them at the local diner. I immediately knew who they were. They wore nice clothes without being fancy but other than that, they were hypnotic. They seemed at ease but the air in the diner seemed icy. I immediately wanted to leave when that icy feeling hit. But a hand clamped down on my shoulder, and a tall man with a gawky gait, and rimmed glasses greeted me. “You must be Derek, I’m Walter” the man said while frog marching me to the table. His voice was way too calm and icy. I had no idea what icy sounded like until I heard him speak. The other two men smiled at me when I sat down with Walter. They looked at me expectantly, but I looked at them quizzically. “Sooooo, are you enjoying your new life”, asked the man sitting directly across from me. He had something stuck in his teeth and I was too distracted to answer. Then I felt Walter’s icy hand on shoulder and I pulled away violently. Suddenly I was alert and alarmed. “What on earth did you do to me” I whispered angrily, somehow I wasn’t able to speak louder with the air being slowly being squeezed out of my lungs. The three men looked at each other quizzically. “I don’t know what you mean” Walter said solemnly. His smile was gone and both of the other two were giving each other knowing looks. I was almost about to blow my top when I managed to calm down. “The dark pills, you were the one who sold them to me. They are fucking my with my head” I explained trying to keep my voice leveled and calm.

 

The three men looked at each other and looked like they were just as confused as before. “They are a placebo, dude. They don’t actually do anything. It’s all about perception” Walter explained slowly. “Bullshit” I spat. And I got up abruptly and seething with anger. I left rapidly and the icy feeling didn’t leave me the entire trip home.

 

I slammed my door and washed my face. I didn’t know what to do. I eventually felt really tired and fell asleep. Another of the manic dreams had returned.

 

The library in my dream was even colder this time, if that is possible. This time the masked figure was waiting for me. I didn’t even try to escape this time. The figure gestured at me and I felt magnetically attracted to following it. We winded down corridors and eventually found ourselves in a massive chamber. It had a stained glass sealing with hieroglyphs and runes. It was almost comical, because they really didn’t mixed well. The walls also had carvings of chickens with multiple beaks. The word cuck was inscribed in the wall. The masked figure sniggered derisively. I looked at it recognizing something in that voice. The figure looked at me and took off the mask. I felt the coldness stop my heart. I was looking at myself. But not just any version of me. Confident, aloof and in control. This was me, without my flaws. But there was something wrong. The copy of me, gestured towards the left side of the room and I noticed there was a figure bound and gagged. My heart was doing somersaults as I approached the bound figure. Strangely, my dream self didn’t stop me.

It was Jessica. She was naked and gagged and was struggling. Her eyes were wide and her face was tear streaked. When she saw me she began to cry and struggle. That hurt to see her that afraid of me. I realized how angry that made me. Then suddenly tears began to well in my eyes. What was wrong with me? I had begin to have violent thoughts and suddenly saw myself doing horrible things to my former friend and the woman I had loved for years. I realized then that there was something wrong with me. I saw the other me stand next to me. Then the other me spoke, “If you won’t uncuck yourself, I will” I grabbed his arm and attempted to steer him away from Kristina. But he contempuously threw me off him. The sneer on my face was so foreign to me. Is this what an evil me looks like? No not evil me. The me that would be, if I was fully immersed in the black pilled community. That much was clear. Suddenly the voices were back.

 

Cuck cuck cuck… such a mangina…. you will never be able to pleasure a woman

 

What a white knight going to rescue your damsel in distress. She will never sleep with a beta like you anyways. Loser  loser loser… You deserve to be better. You are white and better than everyone and you still fail. YOU FAIL YOU FAIL

 

Then female voices, saying every possible rejection and even pity filled ones. There were excerpts from conversations with Jessica talking about me and how she could never be with me and other less kind conversations. It didn’t matter if it was real. I attempted to save her, but the horrible thing was… I wasn’t sure if I gave it my all. And the other me… well he did horrible things to her. I don’t want to type it. Call me a beta cuck if  you want. But  I don’t care anymore. I wanted out and I wanted out now. The other me approached me and asked me a question?

 

“Did you like it”

 

And the horrible thing was I didn’t know the answer

 

Instead I asked him, “Why did you do that”

 

He didn’t speak but I heard him in my head.

 

I am your ideal you. I am you as casanova and dream Chad. I am the version of you that embraces your darkness and shuns the normie cuck part of you. You can be me if  you give me control.

 

He held his masked hand out and in his hand were two pills. One was blue and the other black. I reached for the black one first but hesistated. Then I reached for the blue one and took it. The other me put the mask on again.

 

Wrong choice bucko

 

Suddenly the walls of the library began to close in and I was swallowed by darkness. I then saw a light surface. I felt groggy but dragged myself towards it and saw that it was a mirror. I looked at it and saw the inside of my bathroom. Then I saw myself approaching it. I was holding a knife and a smirk. I winked at me and my eyes were brimming with darkness. He held a mask in one hand. I was trapped. I beat against the mirror with all my might as the dark me, went off to do god knows what. Conveniantly, this being a dream like world, I have access to the library computers and have been able to upload this. Please whatever you do, stay away from the dark pilled community. I know it hurts to feel lonely and feel like you never measure up. But if you care about people, don’t do it. Or you might end up like my crush Jessica. Or me trapped in my dream world.

 

 

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